Raising Gracious Receivers

Updated April 27, 2023

How do we manage our kids’ gift expectations around the holidays and beyond?  The key to shaping grateful gift receivers and generous gift givers involves some thoughtful parental prep. 

Raise Gracious Gift Receivers (3 Steps)

1. Model The Behavior You want to see

Our first job: We need to model the behavior we want to see in our children. We don’t harp on the items we are pining after.  When asked, we keep our wishlist simple and achievable, “I’d really love a new pair of comfy slippers!”  (I said this, and my oldest replied, “That’s it?!”) 

And we talk far more about giving than receiving during the holidays:  “Every Christmas, I think a lot about how lucky we are.  We are lucky to have our family, our home, clothes to wear and food to keep us healthy.  Let’s think of some ways we can help others who might not be as fortunate as we are.” 

As parents, we need to reframe the conversation about the holiday season from a time of getting, to a season of giving.  We need to double down on our family conversations about giving to others, if only to counteract the message our kids are getting out in the world, that the holidays are all about acquiring an excess of  “stuff” we may not actually even need.

2. Manage Their Wish List

Let’s start with “The List.”  Not all kids make a list of gifts they wan, but for those that do, parents wait with bated breath to see what their children are pining after this holiday season. 

It’s helpful to set some parameters before kids put pen to paper, and these will quite obviously vary from family to family.  Some families limit requests to “something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read.”  Others allow a certain number of items each with a monetary limit.  Still others allow kids to request one big ticket item. 

Older kids might even get an overall gift budget and craft their wishlist to account for the gifts they’d value most.  Admittedly, this might feel a little more calculating, but it could also be an important teaching moment to allow kids to weigh the quality vs. quantity of their gifts.

3. Guide Them to a Polite and Gracious Reaction

Kids also have to practice how to receive gifts ahead of time.  Like any big event, they need a little guidance and mental prep from parents.  Knowing a kind aunt always gifts a bulky sweater (sans toy), we find it is important to give kids a little background, “Aunt Katie loves buying practical presents to keep you cozy this winter.  It’s so nice of her to think of you.  You are probably going to get some fun toys from Santa, so make sure you give her a smile and a big “thank you!” for her kind gift.” 

We can’t expect a four year old to be as excited by utilitarian items as they are about the latest Barbie, but we can give them an important frame of reference and let them practice their reaction in advance.  Having been through this, my kids now admittedly go overboard in their gratitude when they are gifted clothing (“This is the BEST GIFT EVER!! [hugs the socks he’ll never wear] Thank you SO MUCH!!!”), but as a mom, I’ll take an over-exuberant kid over an ungrateful one any day.   

Looking for help to teach your child about giving gifts? Read our guide on gift giving.

What might be a nice thing to say when you receive a gift you weren’t expecting?